mining the cultural graveyard: a blog about various objects (books, shirts, video games, music, digital ephemera, etc) that i've collected over the years and the assorted opinions that come along for the ride.
I'm starting to run out of Korean movies to watch on instant view...
A Tale of Two Sisters, ** (2003)
This was a convoluted and tiresome horror film that seemed to slowly just sink and cave in on itself as it dragged on and on into oblivion. It was uninspired and boring with a lot of needlessly dense plot twists that made the entire experience downright grueling and agonizing to sit through. Even after reading the Wikipedia synopsis twice, I’m left scratching my head, trying to understand why this movie tried so hard to obviously make itself as confusing as possible. I’m all for a good head trip, but in order for those to be effective, they have to have a focal point that is easy to understand in order to uncover and resolve everything else nonsensical around it. This film can’t even figure out if it’s trying to be a horror movie, a ghost story, or a psychological thriller. Even though I think that Asian filmmakers are downright masters at birthing suspense and tension in their psychological horror movies, this one must have been the runt that got dropped on its head. One star for the Silent Hill-style sound design and another for the cute “evil” stepmother (Yeom Jeong-ah).
The Man from Nowhere. **** (2010)
This is probably the first Korean movie that I’ve ever seen that doesn’t have a completely depressing and nihilistic ending, so by default, it’s a stand out. It’s also the first Korean film that I’ve watched recently that feels almost exactly like a typical American action movie, without any dreary, morally ambiguous characters and a batch of clear cut villains that all get punished accordingly. Even though it is obvious that they were shooting to make a film that would appeal to general Western (read: AMERICAN) audiences, it still has enough of that gritty Korean negativity to remind me us all that we are not waiting for Bruce Willis or Sly Stallone to come and save the day. Story and acting-wise, there is nothing really impressive about the movie: a “mysterious” stranger tries to rescue a neighbor’s 8 year old daughter from an evil gang of drug dealers. Zzzzzzzzz. On the other hand, action-wise, this movie is stellar, with tons of amazingly well choreographed fight sequences throughout the film. However, the main attraction is a single knife fight near the end of the movie that is so amazing, it gets all 4 stars. It is the stuff of legends; a graceful yet brutal showdown between two killing machines that will easily stand the test of time as one of the greatest fight sequences ever filmed.
Everyone knows that I'm a really into nature movies, whether it's natural disasters, creature features, or survivalist-type malarchy, so my two selections today fall right into the latter categories perfectly: arm cutting 101 in 127 HOURS and an "extended" swim in the ocean with THE REEF.
127 HOURS, *** 1/2 (2010) Right off the bat, anyone who wants to watch this movie needs to know that 95% of it is just James Franco talking to himself...and a giant rock. Surprisingly, he holds his own pretty well with his mineral-based boulder counterpart. I can't possibly "spoil" this for anyone as Aron Ralston's real life story of survival is (at this point) universally known, so I don't feel guilty telling anyone that the part where he breaks his own arm then cuts it off with a cheap pocket knife is technically impressive and the highlight of the movie. A few other choice moments, particularly the sequence where his thirst drives him into fantasizing about drinking water and his out-of-body "journey" back in time to his car are incredibly effective in portraying the kind of utter desperation necessary to make his performance completely believable. The attention to detail in recreating the real life events according to Aron Ralston himself is also highly commendable and worth noting, especially the fact that it was filmed literally at the exact same spot where he lost his arm in real life. Unfortunately, Danny Boyle's decision to include a hokey post-rock music soundtrack, combined with his inability to stay away from cliched sentimentality and a bloated and insipid inspirational ending (imagine a U2 music video or a car commercial or a car commercial with U2 music) tacked on at the very end keep this movie from being truly great. He is obviously on his way to be the next post-JURASSIC PARK Steven Spielberg and we all know that one of those is already too much.
THE REEF, **** 1/2 (2010) This is unquestionably the greatest shark movie since JAWS. If you find yourself to be a connoisseur of the Carcharodan carcharias (meaning that you already know what I just wrote and didn't need to google it), you needed to watch this movie yesterday. Unlike the rather unsatisfying and drab OPEN WATER, which had a similar premise, this movie actually delivers the kind of scares that even the most hardened thriller buffs might find too nerve-racking. Taking advantage of natural underwater lighting, THE REEF does an incredible job of turning the cold blue vastness of the ocean into a horrifying aquatic underworld for 4 very unlucky people who find themselves stranded in the middle of the Coral Sea in Northern Australia after their yacht capsizes. I'm still stunned a few days after I saw it because I can not wrap my head around how some of the film's most extraordinary shots were even filmed. I can safely say that if you're even remotely afraid of what might lie beneath the surface of the ocean, this movie will make you catatonic. It is the stuff of nightmares.
Recently, I've realized that i've watched 3 movies directly about exorcism, so I'm going to get all Linda Blair up in here and spin some heads. First we got THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE, which was *cough cough * "based on a true story" (BARELY based actually), then the German film REQUIEM which was actually the basis for the first film, although this one is almost directly related to the true story. Lastly, I'll throw in THE LAST EXORCISM (*cymbal crash*).
THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE, ** 1/2 (2005) Based on the story of a young German girl with epilepsy who allegedly became possessed by a demon in the mid 70s, this film ultimately has nothing more than the thinnest of corroborations between those actual events and a whole lot more with every other typical supernatural horror movie that involves crucifixes and a bunch of screaming. There are a few decent things about the movie, such as plentiful intelligent dialogue that actually does a decent job at bringing up valid religious and social issues that directly effect the way we view science, religion, and mental illness, as well as very solid acting from Tom Wilkinson and plenty of great courtroom melodrama ('Objection! He is...' etc.). However, that's more or less it. The rest of this film suffers heavily from an extended running time (there is NOreason why it needed to be 2 hours long) and an endlessly dreary and predictable cycle of standard horror movie motifs that are recycled ad nauseam. My biggest complaint is about actress Jennifer Carpenter (Emily Rose, who else?), who spends the entire movie basically screaming at the camera and contorting her face into absolutely ridiculous facial poses that are so distracting that I literally laughed out loud during one of the movie's most "intense" moments because her face looked like a deflating blowup doll (I was waiting to hear the air hiss out of her mouth). The rest of the movie spends way too much time on a boring LAW AND ORDER-type subplot about an up and coming lawyer trying to make partner at a law firm and even more time on a ton of ridiculously intrusive CGI demon faces that are peppered throughout the rest of the film for no real purpose other than to scare anyone who hasn't already seen the exact same thing in countless other supernatural horror movies.
REQUIEM, *** 1/2 (2006) This German film is the very realistic and low key interpretation of the same story that THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE was (very) loosely based upon. However, forget the court room drama, devious lawyers, CGI ridiculousness, obnoxious facial contortions, and the 2 hour running time. Instead, what we are left with is an almost direct and as factually accurate as possible depiction of the real life story of Anneliese Michel, a young German woman whose religious background, medical history, and untimely death were the basis for both films. Whereas the Emily Rose movie forces the viewer at gunpoint to basically acknowledge the presence of evil demons, REQUIEM opts for a much more sedate and meaningful look at what may or may not be a case of extreme mental illness. Unlike its more opulent and inflated counterpart, this movie offers a very quiet, realistic, and at times boring look at the life of a 21 year German pedagogy student (played by an incredible Sandra Huller) whose life unravels as she begins to experience symptoms that could be interpreted as either extreme psychosis or demonic possession. Be warned: there are no fancy special effects or typical horror hysterics, just a powerful and depressing look at human nature and all of its spiritual and mental frailties.
THE LAST EXORCISM, **** 1/2 (2010) I can not say enough nice things about what a breath of fresh air this movie ended up being when compared to the endless stream of utter shit that has been pumped out into the horror movie genre in the past few years. This film has been quite controversial, not only because of its completely awesome (and banned) movie poster, but also because of its ending, which I will refrain from discussing for fear of spoiling it. Lead actor Patrick Fabian is absolutely wonderful as an incredibly charismatic charlatan who basically makes a living by taking advantage of extremely devout and religious Bible Belt churchgoers and performing exorcisms on those who claim to be 'possessed.' Since he obviously has some moral scruples about his line of work, he allows a documentary team to follow him on his last "exorcism," during which he slowly debunks and reveals the tricks of his trade. All I can say is that what starts off as a mockumentary about fake exorcisms ends in a place where very few recent horror movies have managed to traverse: a long lost land where horror movies are actually scary. It also manages to intelligently address several topics (including mental illness, religious hypocrisy, social isolation, and spirituality) effortlessly without ever being obvious or preachy. Overall, this movie is a love letter to the great 70s horror classics, topped off with an extra side of mid 80s Satanic panic atmosphere. Extra accolades for Ashley Bell and her awesome nightgown / Doc Martens fashion combo.
Me and Cara love to watch tv shows on Netflix and we've quickly found that out of all the endless possibilities that we could choose from, our perennial favorites are always things that are either totally genuine.. or just genuinely bad. Incidentally, there are two TV shows that happen to fall into each category and they have two things in common: both involve alligators and both are set in Louisiana. One is SWAMP PEOPLE, while the other is BILLY THE EXTERMINATOR. Ye don't need one dem fancy school degrees to know wich one go where....
SWAMP PEOPLE, ***** (2010) All I needed to know about this series was that it's about men in small boats who use fishing hooks and hunting rifles to catch alligators in a huge swamp. The second after I read that description, I was done sold, let me tell ya. Even though it took a bit to get over the initial spectacle of the whole thing (Bruce), we quickly found that the show took a genuine and incredibly honest look at Cajun culture in a way that was never exploitative nor was it ever completely ridiculous...maybe just a little bit ridiculous (i.e. Willy catching snakes with socks on his arms). Its strongest aspect stems solely from the incredibly charismatic nature of all the people that are portrayed throughout the entire show. Instead of the hags from bullshit like "Real Housewives of [insert location]," SWAMP PEOPLE keeps it real and just follows around a bunch of normal, everyday folk who just happen to make a living by hunting gators. Whether it's Troy's nearly incomprehensible Cajun French accent, Junior's shrewd, humorously humorless personality, Mike Kleibert's incredible ingenuity and "swamp know-how" or Trapper Joe and Tommy's hilarious fights, not a single person portrayed ever hams it up for the camera the way other consistently less interesting reality show people (* cough cough * Billy the Exterminator cough *) are wont to do. SWAMP PEOPLE is a seriously good show that doesn't have to rely on cheap and ridiculous people doing stupid things; it's a show that relies on real life people doing real life things, like "chootin' gators."
BILLY THE EXTERMINATOR, * (2009) This show is absolute garbage. The fact that it has been on air for almost 3 years and that it is on its 4th season is downright deplorable, not to mention completely dangerous considering the utter stupidity and clumsiness of its showrunner and his inept dumbass brother Ricky. Honestly, I'm genuinely surprised that the two of them haven't somehow gotten killed by something yet. I'm not imaging them going out like champs either, getting torn in half by a gator or getting bit by a rattlesnake, but by something like a loose ladder step, a faulty shingle, or a pile of raccoon shit that one of them will inevitably slip on while climbing a 40 foot tree in cowboy boots. According to the wikipedia article, Billy is "an expert in the field of pest control." BULLSHIT. There was one episode when he caught a huge 4 foot long cottonmouth and put the damn thing in a fucking paper-thin see-through plastic sack. There was another episode when he was literally stuck in the bottom of a drained pool and he couldn't get out because his boots and leather chaps didn't give him enough traction to CLIMB BACK OUT. What else is there to hate? How about the obviously staged phone call interludes inside Billy's truck ("What's that, Mom? Don't send Ricky in there because he is allergic to wasps? Got it!"), his completely impractical pseudo-black metal wardrobe choices (studded bracelets, spiked collars, bullet belts, SPURS?), and his uncanny skills at consistently losing his own freshly caught snakes in almost every episode. The only interesting thing that could ever come out of this series would be a documentary about how this total clown managed to hustle an entire TV network into giving him a show in the first place.
Here is my next batch of Korean film reviews, this time I'm taking on THE CHASER by Na Hong-jin and MOTHER by Bong Joon-ho. I saw both of these movies through online streaming via Netflix, which has an amazing assortment of modern Korean films currently available, so I will try to get through as many of those as possible in the coming months.
MOTHER, *** 1/2 (2009) A distraught mother, upon finding that her mentally retarded son has been accused of murder, goes all out and attempts to uncover the facts behind the accusations. While the premise of this film seems to initially promise a lot more than what it eventually delivers, it is a solid effort that really shines mostly due to the amazing acting of Kim Hye-ja, who plays the titular character. Her range is truly magnificent, running the gamut as she expresses genuine sadness, comedic relief, and relentless conviction with an ease of effort that seems inexplicable. Sadly, this is also where the movie falters, as it never really seems to make up its mind about what kind of film it is actually trying to be in the long run. Initially, the film is almost a comedy as you learn of the strange relationship between the mother and the son (as well as his no-good but street smart "best friend"). In the middle, it becomes a fairly standard mystery movie, while the ending turns into a drama with tragic consequences. Even though it is uneven, there is a graceful beauty to the entire film's rather low-key presentation, not to mention a strange bittersweet optimism that ultimately tries to prevail over the rest of the film's utterly depressing subject matter.
THE CHASER, ***** (2008) In its own rights, this film is amazing, but as a debut movie, it is simply staggering. Considering the bevy of commercial filmmakers around the globe who have been in the game for years and still have yet to create something that is as powerful and dynamic, this movie has now become my personal litmus test for debunking any up and coming "hype-proof" film debuts. The set up is something like a classic 70s thriller: an ex-cop turned pimp (Kim Yoon-seok) begins to notice that his girls are coming up missing and he begins his own investigation to uncover the truth. He is oddly compelling as a total asshole with almost no redeeming qualities who inadvertently becomes the only person that seems to actually understand what is going on while everyone else around him is too busy being caught up in petty media scandals, red tape and bumbling police bureaucracy.While the film attempts to resolve itself within the first half hour, we quickly realize that the means required to justify the ends are anything but easily obtained and the movie steadily falls into a nightmarish Kafkaesque scenario that becomes increasingly frantic and horrific as it races towards its harrowing conclusion.
Me and my girlfriend Cara watch plenty of movies together, pretty much anything is up for grab except for things with extreme violence (IRREVERSIBLE) or torture (HOSTEL), but our favorite types of movies to watch are usually really awful horror movie from the 80s or recently made-for-dvd teen movies like MEAN GIRLS 2. Sometimes Cara also convinces me to watch older 'normal' movies that I missed the first time around, which is really great because Cara has a wonderfully open range of opinions that help to counter my admittedly jaded and extremely cynical views. Oddly enough, RED RIDING HOOD is somewhere in between a really awful 80s horror movie and a very wimpy made-for-tv teen movie, so it's kind of the perfect movie for us to watch. TROY, on the other hand, is a perfect example of a "normal movie" that I would have usually never bothered seeing otherwise.
RED RIDING HOOD, * 1/2 (2011) There is nothing to add to this movie that you can't already clearly see in its trailer. This potboiler basically telegraphs itself an hour and a half in advance once you hit the play button, so you're actually much better off watching the trailer and just coming up with your own storyline in your head instead. Trust me, those results will ALWAYS be more interesting and fulfilling than this pampered and pathetic attempt at a horror/fantasy film. Since Catherine Hardwicke's last movie was TWILIGHT, which brutally emasculated any notion of legitimacy in vampires, it should come as no surprise that RED RIDING HOOD does exactly the same thing to werewolves. Leave it her to take a story that would otherwise normally involve primal lust, painful physical transformation, uncontrollable rage, animals ripped to shreds, etc. and turn it all into a boring, tepid after school special for ABC Family TV. There isn't even any cleavage! Honestly though, the only genuinely horrifying thing about this entire movie is the fact that Gary Oldman is in it. Half star for Amanda Seyfried because she looks good in red.
Recently I was incredibly bored and I felt like watching some mindless sci-fi action movies. I didn't have to look very hard to find the movies SKYLINE and BATLLE: LOS ANGELES, but I DID have to try very hard to remind myself constantly that I was actually watching 2 different movies that were so similar in their concepts and execution that they both appeared to have been made by the exact same group of people at the exact same time. Interestingly enough, upon further inspection I quickly found out that it ACTUALLY WAS the same exact group of people working on both films at the same time! Normally in such situations, you'd think that a single movie would have sufficed, but in the case of these two digital dumps, even one was already too much.
SKYLINE,*(2010) All you need to know about this movie right off the bat is that it was made by the same group of people responsible for ALIENS VS PREDATOR: REQUIEM, which is arguably one of the very worst sci-fi / action movies ever made and that is not up for discussion, it is simply fact. Since "the Brothers Strause" (as they like to stylize themselves in their own film credits) obviously believe themselves to be true auteurs of sci-fi (and since they are both rich AND privately own their very own CGI production company [Hydraulx]), it goes without saying that THAT is the only reason why this movie exists. To discuss the film's acting and writing would actually be a grave disservice to the film's special effects, since it is glaringly obvious (and factually true, look it up) that the whooping $10 ~ $20 million allocated for the film's budget went into its post production / CGI while only $500,000 went into LITERALLY everything else. If you want a detailed synopsis of the film's story, all you need to know is that a bunch of attractive people get drunk inside a fancy high rise condo while an alien force destroys LA. That's literally about 95% of the entire movie. The other 5% is just additional special effects.
BATTLE: LOS ANGELES, * 1/2(2011) This movie is essentially the same exact thing as SKYLINE, but with a military spin, a higher budget and a single A-list actor (Aaron "Butt-chin" Eckhart). The additional half star is present because I'm a total sucker for well done disaster / monster 'found footage' type cinematography and the film has a good 2 or 3 minutes of that spliced in between an endless barrage of cookie cutter military jargon, shamelessly predictable plotting and an obnoxiously jingoistic sentiment that becomes downright intrusive by the final moments (I'm sure there were army recruiters present at the premiere, handing out pamphlets). The film completely lacks the puerile integrity, sense of humor, and star power that made INDEPENDENCE DAY so successful, which is highly embarrassing since it essentially tries to emulate it by foolishly attempting to create a movie with a 'realistic' approach to the exact same ludicrous and over the top scenario. No matter how many flag-waving and self-sacrificing soldiers are blown to bits throughout the movie, each complete with his own "tell my wife I love her, sarge" type speech, at the end of the day, this movie is still just about giant CGI aliens blowing shit up.
Instead of writing long-winded and meticulously researched opinion pieces about certain movies, I'm going to try and write some quick and "to the point" type reviews with a 5 star scale that can be gulped down in a single bite ...hence 'film digestion.' The inaugural post will involve some recent korean movies that I just watched recently..
I SAW THE DEVIL, ** 1/2 (2010) Overall, a very brutal and exceptionally long-winded thriller about a secret agent who seeks revenge on the serial killer responsible for killing his wife. While the violence is horrific and the action sequences exceptionally well choreographed, it falls apart into severe implausibility as the film drags on and on into an endlessly repetitive and hopeless cycle of violence and degradation. Although Choi Min-sik is completely amazing as a cunning and heartless killer, his performance isn't enough to save the film from its lumbering length, utterly inept writing, and pretentiously nihilistic dialogue.
THIRST, ****1/2 (2009) Park Chan-wook's film about a priest who turns into a vampire after a failed medical experiment is the kind of movie that Twilight fans need to see instead of the watered down pap that does nothing but convince millions of impressionable minds that "vampire movies" are apparently PG-13 rated cosmetic commercials for glittering goth kids who like to play baseball in the rain. THIRST properly examines the blissfully sexual and occasionally bloody escapades that can occur if you find yourself transformed into a creature of the night, complete with amazing cinematography, smart writing, and a sexy performance from Kim Ok-bin as the object of the priest's newly found affections. Instead of relying on age old tropes to convey the complex moral, religious, and sexual issues that can compound the mind of any newly formed vampire, the film brilliantly avoids any such predictable shortcomings by simultaneously being a romantic comedy, a horror movie, and an art house flick without any of the normal pitfalls of each respective genre.
this is an older picture of my entire collection of GEROGERIGEGEGE music that i collected from the years 2001 ~ 2006. it was during a weird time period in my life whenever i find solace in collecting obscure music. i spent roughly 1K on the entire collection and i bought the various "components" from around the world, including japan, australia, sweden, the uk, canada, germany, and all over the US. i feel a slight regret in having sold off the collection, but i now associate the entire time period spanning those years with a sense of morose indifference, so it is probably better that i didn't have those pieces laying around to remind me.
STATS
2 LPs
15 CDs
23 7''s
1 polaroid (i got this on ebay through some guy who apparently met juntaro and gero 30 and took a picture of him masturbating. so yeah, i can now say that at one point in my life, i owned a polaroid of an old naked japanese man masturbating. comparisons of the man in the photo with known photographs of gero-30 were conclusive: MATCH )
i had to turn the polaroid around because it would have been considered "pornography"
ANYWAY, the entire collection was the basis for me and travis coming up and creating the artnotart gerogerigegege website, which has now apparently become the go-to source of information on the internet for this totally obscure band.. i'm very proud of that site, from its minimalist look to the amount of effort i put into cataloging and reviewing almost every single release. my writing style definitely could have used some polish, but it was how i wrote back then and i wouldn't change a single thing about it.
the gerogerigegege remain my all time favorite noise group, their only rivals being the OTHER giants of japanese noise: the incapacitants, hanatarash and hijokaidan (sorry masonna and merzbow, your records never compared). i can't really say too much about them that hasn't already been said ad nauseam; they recorded themselves jerking off... and they became infamous for their brilliant cover of the rolling stones' "i can't get no satisfaction" (0:54):
the gerogerigegege were genuinely one of the weirdest bands that EVER existed and their completely bizarre, tasteless, offensive, disgusting, and hilarious albums are made all the more interesting whenever you compare them to their cryptic , dark ambient, musique concrete and droney counterparts. somewhere in juntaro yamanouchi's mind, there was an artist who was able to simultaneously create the most transgressive forms of art with a sense of humor that very few seemed to genuinely understand. it seems almost natural that someone as unique as juntaro would just seemingly disappear, which is essentially what happened since no one seems to know what happened to him or where he went after about 2006 or early 2007.
here's to you, juntaro: 1,2,3,4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
one of the holy grails of japanese noise: the 1st gero album, SENZURI CHAMPION from 1987
this is a picture of my collection of SWANS / related material that i've been collecting since 1998. it's not incredibly impressive, but it's not too shabby either, especially considering the amount of rare, signed one off pressings in the lower right corner.
STATS:
7 slabs of wax (1 single, 3 2LPs)
36 cds [9 signed by mg, 2 by jarboe] (i lost an early jarboe cd single along the way)
7 tapes (i lost my copy of OMNISCIENCE, a live soundboard tape from the final tour in 1996, and a jarboe 'sound sketches' tape that i brought from the old school swans.pair.com site )
in honor of my previous foetus post, here is one from the closet: a premium boner-inducing foetus shirt from 1988/9. i got this shirt on ebay back in 1999 or 2000, whenever i was experiencing my first peak of foetus obsession. THAW remains my favorite foetus album, an unparalleled aural excursion into sleaze and pitch black humor that can simultaneously titillate and terrify with the best of them. this shirt is totally rad, i just wish it were a bit bigger, as it's from the era whenever a large shirt fits more like a modern small shirt would now.
having not taken a ride on the jim thrilwell express in way too many years, i decided to take a plunge and buy up some premium foetus stock like it was going out of style...
today, i got a nice little package in the mail:
where is it from, i wonder?
you don't say! what were the contents?
why, it was some brand new foetus material...
besides using a spare piece of manorexia or steroid maximus musical notation as printer paper for my address, i also got a huge sticker for the new album, signed by the master of disaster himself...
check out the awesome minimalist artwork for HIDE:
seriously, jg thirlwell's graphic designs are so completely underrated. just look at some of this amazing packaging for LIMB, which was a double cd/dvd package:
i might as well show off my newly redecorated arcade stick too, since i recently got the urge to "foetus-ize" that as well...
Coming up with this list was far more difficult than I had originally anticipated. There are still so many wonderful games that I knowingly left out of my list and it is almost painful for me to do so, but I had to narrow it all down to the top ten games that I personally felt had left the biggest personal impact upon me.
10. Sam & Max Hit The Road (PC, 1993)
This is the first video game that I remember beating all the way. That is important because it was also the first time I ever felt that small rush of endorphins that come along whenever you are deeply engaged in the act of playing a game to the point where every little thing matters and every moment of solving another part that brings you closer to your conclusion is what compels you forward. Even though I had begun playing games in 1990, I genuinely doubt I was ever able to actually beat any of them. I mean , come on, let's get serious here: who could REALLY beat the original Super Mario Bros on the NES back in the day? NO ONE... except maybe Adam Silvers. Anyway, Sam & Max was the first LucasArts point and click game that I ever played and it remains my favorite (even though Full Throttle is right behind it). Its combination of humorous characters, great puzzles, awesome graphics (for the time period) and an absolutely brilliant soundtrack with fantastic voice acting were stellar. Bungee jumping off of Mt. Rushmore for the first time remains one of my favorite gaming moments ever.
9. Tetris & Dr. Mario (SNES, 1994)
As far as video game compilations are concerned, this unholy duo brought forth upon the SNES in 1994 is STILL the greatest combination of two genre breaking juggernauts of puzzle madness. Tetris was one of the first games on the Nintendo that I remember ever playing so much that I got my Mom and Dad to play it with me. To go on about its status as a classic game would be redundant. I have nothing but sweet nostalgia for those 8 bit days when a game like this was considered top of the line home entertainment. Simple, repetitive, addictive, and pure; THAT is gaming at its roots. Dr. Mario, on the other hand, is quite possibly the most fun 2 player puzzle game to have ever existed. Just ask Cara, she plays it like it's going out of style. The fact that I can still play both games with the same zeal and fervor I had over 15 years ago is a testament to their agelessness and ingenuity.
8. Metal Gear Solid (PSX/PS2/PS3, 1998 ~ 2008)
Stretching across ten years and 3 generations of consoles, the Metal Gear series were (and still are) the absolute benchmark for console gaming. The quality of game design, storytelling, music, characters, and cerebral genre jumping mayhem knows no boundaries. Whether it was the icy cold atmosphere in MGS, the postmodern mindfuck of MGS2, the cinematic adventure that unfolds in MGS3, or the dark, heartfelt, and epic conclusion in MGS4, the Metal Gear series literally had it all. You couldn't play one game without eventually getting to the other three. Why? Because Solid Snake is the baddest motherfucker in gaming, bar none, and he knows that in the hearts of all gamers, he can never truly die, even if you're playing as Raiden. It is impossible for me to pick a single game because they are all so closely tied to one another, so i'll just opt for the essential collection boxset that came out in 2008. The amount of material present in the first 3 games alone is staggering and it should be a litmus test for all future game developers whenever they are trying to figure out how to increase a game's replayability.
7. Star Tropics (NES, 1990)
Star Tropics is a deeply important game to me because it was the first game that introduced me to many concepts that would eventually shape and create my undying appreciation of RPGs. That included everything from finding newer weapons to getting stronger by locating hearts to increase your health as well as randomly exploring and talking to NPCs (Non playable characters). Aside from the fantastic 8 bit music, this game was simply fun. From the increasingly impossible puzzles to the many mysteries that unfold as you travel across C-Island in search of your uncle, this game held me in awe with its consistently simple, yet unnervingly challenging premise. Plus, your character's name is Mike Jones! Who? Just kidding. Even though I never managed to beat the game because it was just damn near impossible near the end, I remember feeling exhilarated whenever I defeated certain bosses and uncovered new paths to explore and THOSE are the moments in gaming that you really cherish above all else.
6. DOOM (PC, 1993)
Even though the first FPS game that I ever played was WOLFENSTEIN 3D, it was the utterly peerless sci-fi violence of DOOM that was essentially my gateway into first person gaming. I remember getting my Dad to drive me to the mall to buy the shareware demo (which only had the first 9 levels) at an EB store for like $5 whenever it had just come out and I played those 9 levels until I had them memorized. Even though DOOM 2 might have been a better game, it was the first installment that provided me with countless hours worth of 'fragging' fun because I was just so enthralled by its dark mischievous gore and blatantly obnoxious Satanic overtones. In my opinion, what separates a good game from a great one is that you can replay a great one 15 different times, knowing that you'll still get the same results, but doing it anyway. With DOOM, that certainly was the case for me. If the youngsters of today with all their fancy Call of Duty Modern Warfare games could have only been there for this game. Too bad you don't need to type in IDDQD nowadays because those games are so watered down and neutered.
5. Resident Evil 2 (PSX, 1998)
The first Resident Evil game scared the shit out of me. I literally freaked out the first time I opened a door and a zombie was waiting there to attack me. I couldn't play it alone or at night, it was THAT scary to me. Obviously, it should come as no surprise that the second game in the franchise was all that..AND A BAG OF CHIPS. It was also one of the first games that I remember buying with money that I had saved while working at Pizza Hut. Therefore, it was my "working class game" and I was proud to play it. This game basically took everything awesome about the first game and added more of it: More levels, more characters, more of a story, better graphics, more monsters, more puzzles, and more reasons than ever to replay it with the inclusion of the A and B games. Me and the Big Bopper played this game religiously, to the point where it was a Friday night ritual to watch each other blasting through zombies and mutant creatures while trying to figure out all the puzzles and locating enough green and red herbs to heal ourselves. As an introduction to survival horror games, I couldn't think of a better title to recommend to anyone, especially with a commercial like this!
4. Final Fantasy VII (PSX, 1997)
Quite possibly the most important game that I've ever played in my life, Final Fantasy VII was a force of nature that utterly consumed my life for the better part of 3 weeks during my freshman year of high school. The only other game that ever came close to recreating the emotional and compulsive obsession that I had at the time was XENOGEARS, but whereas that was merely a very passionate fling, FF7 held me in its arms and kissed me gently under the moonlight while telling me that it would spend the rest of its life with me. Having played the hell out of the classic golden age of SquareSoft SNES RPGs (Final Fantasy 3, Chrono Trigger, Secret of Mana, etc.), I was no stranger to Square's epic games, but none of it prepared me for the magnificent journey that I undertook as Cloud Strife on his mission to save the world. The unparalleled diversity of its characters, the universal scope of its narrative, the genuine beauty of its score, and the endlessly addictive nature of its core gameplay were so incredibly polished and well done that I find it hard to believe that the people responsible for creating the game didn't actually live inside the confines of its digital world. It is strange now to remember how beautiful the game was back then with its blocky 3D rendered graphics. As sprawling as the city of Midgar was to me whenever I had begun to finally explore its nether regions, words couldn't describe the sense of shock, wonder, and genuine amazement that filled me whenever I left the city for the first time and I realized just how much of the world I had in front of me to explore. Few titles have ever reached the Corinthian heights established by this behemoth of a game and it is doubtful that many more ever will.
3. Team Fortress 2 (PC, 2007)
This game was what brought me back into video games after my long hiatus away from them during the "extended" time period in my life whenever I went to college. To be fair, I should just say that it was Valve's brilliant Orange Box that made me come back full circle, since every single game in that compilation was a 5 star winner, but I was (and still am) the most fond of this brilliant and bloody Pixar-on-steroids shooter. On top of the mind-blowing graphics, the absolutely hilarious voice acting, the ridiculous cartoon violence and the immaculate level design, Team Fortress 2 is still one of the only online multiplayer games that you can start playing whenever you want and NOT have to go against a steep learning curve (unlike COUNTERSTRIKE or any online RTS game). The brilliant class system in the game is one of the most balanced of all online games, as each class is perfectly manufactured for their own respective and unique abilities, as well as their own individual weaknesses. I'll never forget the rush I felt whenever I backstabbed someone for the first time as a spy or the adrenaline pumping ferocity of ubercharging a heavy and rushing into an enemy compound and watching the Russian heavy destroy a nest of turrets and teleporters with Sascha, his minigun. So many moments like that, combined with an incredible healthy and fun online community, an out of control mod scene, constant updates 3 years after the game's release (all completely free), and Valve's own insistence of relying HEAVILY upon the input of fans is what keeps me coming back.The kind of symbiotic relationship that exists between the makers and the players is rare, unique, and it is an example that ALL video game developers (regardless of genre) should study and follow. Now, who touched my gun?!
2. Final Fantasy Tactics (PSX, 1998)
This game is incredibly meaningful to me for many reasons, the most important being that it reminds me alot of a friend I had who is sadly no longer with us anymore. I know that I shouldn't bring my personal life into a writeup about video games, but sometimes, the two are inseparable. Final Fantasy Tactics was a game that I immediately fell in love with the first time I ever played it because it reminded me of my number one favorite video game of all time (you might as well just scroll down there and take a quick look if you're curious). What can I say though, SquareSoft was on a role back in the late 90s, doing nothing but dropping bombs left and right. I know alot of people will be quick to say that there is no way that a turn-based strategy RPG could be anything but fun, yet this game is probably the best example of just how incredibly deep (and subsequently "fun") the genre can get. By making the action turn based, a high level of strategy is involved and you'll find out very quickly how intense, difficult, and addicting the battles can become. The enormous range of fighting styles, combined with brilliantly rendered isometric 3D graphics provides you with a genuinely endless array of different ways in which you can experience each battle, which was made possible because of the fully rotatable three dimensional battlefields. I also need to mention that the story that unfolds is one of the most complex and deeply fulfilling examples of video game writing ever put into the genre and because of that, the sense of commitment that I felt as I put time into this game was incredible, unmatched by almost all other games. Final Fantasy Tactics is simply a beast of a game, one for the ages that I can only hope will live on infinitely.
1. Shining Force (Sega Genesis, 1992)
Where do I start with this one? My all time favorite video game, no questions asked, is this brilliantly under appreciated gem of an RPG from 1992. I can't even remember the first time I rented it, but I know for a fact that I re-rented it more than once before eventually buying it brand new at a Kay Bee toy store in 1996 for $20. This game has felt like it's been a part of me ever since I was able to keep track of video games. It had everything that I was obsessed with as a young kid: fantasy, Japanese anime, wizards, cartoons, dragons, ninjas, lazer beams, monsters, and a main hero who happened to look ALOT like me whenever I was 10 years old, at least according to myself. The role playing elements, the level building, the turn based strategy, it all worked in my favor because I realized how much I enjoyed the sort of laid back approach (combined with a heightened sense of focus) that came with playing RPGs. As ridiculous as the front cover seems, the gameplay mechanics and the visual aesthetic in the game comprised everything that I now value in a good game: easy to understand approach, intuitive controls, an open-ended fighting system and a gradual shift in difficulty that creates that yearning desire to move forward and get to the next level. The really amazing Steampunk look (still a new thing in 1992) was just icing on the cake. Perhaps it is just nostalgia working itself in my mind, but it is irrelevant to me because I simply LOVE this game. Shining Force is the perennial favorite that I keep returning to year after year, a hidden jewel that manages to breathe life into itself repeatedly without any help. If a gaming heaven exists, my one sole wish would be to replay this game again for the first time and re-experience the genuine joy I felt as a young kid, playing the first level all over again as though it were an undiscovered continent, just waiting to be explored.
Lindsay Anderson's brilliant Mick Travis trilogy of films (IF...., O LUCKY MAN! , BRITANNIA HOSPITAL) are truly some of the most underrated, unknown, and unappreciated films in existence. While I genuinely love all three movies unconditionally, it is the 2nd part of the trilogy that I always felt was one of the greatest unsung pieces of cinema ever produced. Whereas IF...(1968) took shots at the British education system and BRITANNIA HOSPITAL (1982) set its sights on the British National Health Service, O LUCKY MAN! took aim at a much broader, more universal concept: Capitalism.
Alternate Promotional Poster from 1973
Whenever I enthusiastically inform people that O LUCKY MAN! isa satirical 3 hour long British fantasy/musical/comedy about capitalism, most quietly nod their head while attempting to locate the nearest exit. A three hour movie is always a daunting task, yet this is one of those rare films that somehow manages to bypass all the trappings of such a length by simply being what a good film is supposed to be: ENTERTAINING. The film manages to sustain itself not only from the incredibly humorous and unpretentious performances, but also because the film is specifically made to be very episodic, so just whenever you think it's getting boring, something is thrown into the mix that takes it into a completely different direction. Just like real life, you never know where you are going to end up and you realize quickly that you only have so much control over the things that determine the path that you're going to travel. In the case of this movie, where we move from a boring coffee factory to a secret military base before ending up in a bizarre scientific laboratory, it becomes inevitably obvious that it is all about the journey and not the destination anyway.
Don't worry, there are still plenty of strong selling point for those who are still weary: First off, you get Malcolm McDowell in his prime, two years after A CLOCKWORK ORANGE had rocketed him to stardom, rambling along throughout the drab urban sprawl of the early 70s UK, hellbent on making something out of himself. This film showcases his incredible (if understated) comedic range, which is sadly never used to full effect in almost any of his other theatrical endeavors. You also get a brilliant, hilarious, and surreal script about what initially sounds like a boring premise (the ups and downs of capitalism), as well as Alan Price's phenomenal soundtrack. To top it all off, you even get the lusciously amazing Helen Mirren traipsing around way before her Dame days, foiling the young and naive Mick Travis at every possible junction. What's not to love?
Malcolm McDowell and Helen Mirren, sharing a moment.
The greatest thing about this movie is that it is completely self aware of itself, as evidenced by its brilliant final scene, which ties together the entire movie with a single life-changing slap by none other than the director of the film himself. This sort of postmodern self-referential shenanigans is nearly impossible to pull off unpretentiously, yet the movie does so flawlessly. Cases in point with less stellar results include the awful ending of Spike Lee's more or less decent MALCOLM X or the long-winded and self-important final shot in Spielberg's SCHINDLER'S LIST. Luckily, Lindsay Anderson's movies manage to produce valid and humorous social commentary without a single hint of any preachy political agendas. The film's cynical yet goofy take on working in Britain during those apparently lackluster yet tumultuous years that followed the decline of the British Empire are endlessly funny and downright epic in their Quixotic scope. By the time it is all over, you'll find the whole affair to be uplifting in the most subversive ways possible, thanks in no small part to an endlessly inventive script, a great assortment of fantastic British character actors, and Alan Price's awe-inspiring title track for the film, which is simply stupendous. In my humble opinion, O LUCKY MAN! will eventually be remembered as one of the greatest example of British cinema not only in the 1970s, but of all time.
The title track and opening credits (featuring a cameo by director Lindsay Anderson)
You can purchase the movie by clicking on this link through Amazon.
Check out how awesome and over the top the UK Blu-Ray edition of CALIGULA is compared to the utterly boring and unimpressive one we get here in the States. BOO.
UK:
US:
Criminal marketing ploy! They just KNOW that I'm going to have to go for that UK edition.
WARNING: I will completely ruin and spoil almost every single bit of this movie in the following rant in the high hopes of keeping at least one person from watching it. If this prevents a single person from attempting to obtain and/or watch A SERBIAN FILM, then my mission here is an unabashed success.
I'm not going to pepper this review by adding bullshit ego-stroking descriptors like "...and it takes a lot to gross me out" before listing off a bunch of movies that were apparently supposed to gross me out. That is just fucking stupid. If you've searched for any other reviews of this film, it is EMBARRASSING how many other assholes online have begun their reviews of this film in the exact same way, especially those idiot fanboys at AIN'T IT COOL NEWS, who love to go out of their way to somehow prove their mettle by recounting every painfully dull and insignificant moment they ever experienced whenever they watched this terrible movie.
#2 http://www.aintitcool.com/node/44577 (Harry's typically awful, long-winded, bullshit review with a prominent chest beating movie-watching viking cyber oration at the beginning.)
#3 http://www.aintitcool.com/node/48774 (My personal favorite: a review by Nordling, WHO HASN'T EVEN SEEN THE FUCKING MOVIE but still manages to talk about the other shocking movies that he has seen instead. Brilliant.)
I don't hate the movie because I thought it was offensive, demeaning, sexist, misogynist, or needlessly brutal; I hate this movie because it is fucking stupid.
Just how stupid is it, you might ask? Well, it is stupid enough to politicize itself without a single political message other than its title. It is stupid enough to attempt to stylize murder by adding a shitty dance music soundtrack over everything like it's a thriller from 1994. It is stupid enough to think that people will get offended by seeing a fat balding one-eyed man pretend like he is a fucking a baby that obviously looks like it's made out of silicone and rubber. And finally, it is stupid enough to believe that someone out there will either be shocked, disgusted, or find meaning in a scene where a man actually SKULL FUCKS another man with a boner. Yes, DEATH BY COCK. If nothing else, this movie will now inadvertently lead me to believe that in Serbian modern culture, their idea of "pushing the envelope" is to have a naked guy with a boner running around skull fucking fat men who rape rubber babies while listening to bad techno music.
A SERBIAN FILM basically epitomizes everything that completely sucks about modern horror movie making. Instead of relying upon good writing, atmosphere, proper soundtrack work, great acting, and a premise that's worth believing in (with characters that you can care about), modern horror is basically cheaply produced pornography without even the satisfaction of any sort of climactic release. Imagine THE EXORCIST without the spiritual dialogue of Father Kerras or THE SHINING without Penderecki's music or THE THING without the isolation of its cold, snowy backdrops. These crucial elements that play on our human emotions are the parts of horror films that stand out the most; the glue that holds together a nightmare that we want to keep on reliving. A SERBIAN FILM opts out of using any such elements in its own inept attempt at somehow proving a point, which it does by going above and beyond to basically create something that is akin to pornography without any actual sexual relevance. This would probably explain why I couldn't help but feel as though I had just watched a two hour long porno without a single cum shot by the time the film was over.
The use of sex in A SERBIAN FILM is genuinely deplorable, as it is essentially used as nothing more than a visual tool to attract potential viewers with the promise of sexual deviancy. Obviously, a sleaze monger like myself was naturally drawn to a film with a premise involving an aging porn star who is asked (under mysterious circumstances) to make one last pornographic "art film" for an excessively large amount of money. Right there, you have every single element of what would nowadays constitute a slash and dash horror movie premise. Everything else is essentially given away in the trailer: a picturesque family whose life is obviously about to get turned upside down, followed by random cuts of sex, violence, bad techno music, shitty cinematography, and extended shots of people covered in blood, looking angry before some AFFLICTION / UFC style credits hit the screen.
I still don't know why I was so surprised at how unbelievably awful the whole movie ended up being by the time it was over. I guess it was because I still had yet to understand what kind of message the film was trying to get across by showing a father anally rape his own 10 year son. Does that sound ridiculously offensive to you? I guess it was supposed to be that offensive, along with the rubber baby rape, a lead pipe being used as a dildo, and a scene where a man cuts off a woman's head with a machete while he is raping her. Still not offended? Well, hold on, let's add in a scene where a woman suffocates by forced oral sex after her jaw is broken and then throw some necrophilia at the very end of the movie. Phew! Is it getting offensive in here, or is it just me?
Seriously, if offending people was the main point of this film, I guess it's successful to those who actually want to be offended by a movie, but to disguise this movie as anything other than a completely amateur and immature attempt at shock cinema is to do a great disservice to genuinely transgressive shock cinema classics that actually matter (like Pasolini's SALO) or newer horror movies that are simultaneously shocking and incredibly well crafted (like Miike's AUDITION or Maury & Bustillo's INSIDE). Make no bones about it, the only person who would believe that a piece of shit movie like A SERBIAN FILM is actually offensive or relevant is the same guy who can find meaningful insight and social commentary in Cannibal Corpse lyrics.
This film is BEYOND absolute desperation; it is a movie made BY pathetic people FOR pathetic people who obviously seem to miss the whole point of horror movies anyway. A SERBIAN FILM does nothing but diminish genuine transgressive art by essentially being so over the top as to approach an absolute parody of not only itself, but of the horror genre in general.
