Me and my girlfriend Cara watch plenty of movies together, pretty much anything is up for grab except for things with extreme violence (IRREVERSIBLE) or torture (HOSTEL), but our favorite types of movies to watch are usually really awful horror movie from the 80s or recently made-for-dvd teen movies like MEAN GIRLS 2. Sometimes Cara also convinces me to watch older 'normal' movies that I missed the first time around, which is really great because Cara has a wonderfully open range of opinions that help to counter my admittedly jaded and extremely cynical views. Oddly enough, RED RIDING HOOD is somewhere in between a really awful 80s horror movie and a very wimpy made-for-tv teen movie, so it's kind of the perfect movie for us to watch. TROY, on the other hand, is a perfect example of a "normal movie" that I would have usually never bothered seeing otherwise.
RED RIDING HOOD, * 1/2 (2011)
There is nothing to add to this movie that you can't already clearly see in its trailer. This potboiler basically telegraphs itself an hour and a half in advance once you hit the play button, so you're actually much better off watching the trailer and just coming up with your own storyline in your head instead. Trust me, those results will ALWAYS be more interesting and fulfilling than this pampered and pathetic attempt at a horror/fantasy film. Since Catherine Hardwicke's last movie was TWILIGHT, which brutally emasculated any notion of legitimacy in vampires, it should come as no surprise that RED RIDING HOOD does exactly the same thing to werewolves. Leave it her to take a story that would otherwise normally involve primal lust, painful physical transformation, uncontrollable rage, animals ripped to shreds, etc. and turn it all into a boring, tepid after school special for ABC Family TV. There isn't even any cleavage! Honestly though, the only genuinely horrifying thing about this entire movie is the fact that Gary Oldman is in it. Half star for Amanda Seyfried because she looks good in red.
TROY, *** 1/2 (2004)
Even with its apparent historical inaccuracies and inconsistencies, TROY is a perfect example of how one can go about making a 3 hour long epic film that is not only enjoyable to sit through, but ultimately rewarding as a film. Asides from the rich cast, staggering production values, amazing costumes, and truly grandiose battle sequences, at its heart, TROY is a film that proudly encompasses all the elements of a standard "blockbuster" without ever trying to pretend that it is anything other than a summer popcorn movie. Brad Pitt's sweaty and perfectly toned ass and Eric Bana's rugged mullet definitely keep things spicy for the ladies, while an endless bevy of gorgeous women (Diane Kruger, Saffron Burrows, and Rose Byrne just to name a few) is more than sufficient eye candy for everyone else. Perhaps the most impressive aspect of the film is the incredibly tight pacing, which is somehow magically maintained almost effortlessly from beginning to end, which is no small feat considering the film's monolithic running time. While TROY definitely doesn't break any new ground in the acting department, nor does it shy away from many standard and predictable action movie clichés, neither does it ever fail to simply (and consistently) captivate the viewer into blissful submission.
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