film digestion - korean edition, vol. 3

I'm starting to run out of Korean movies to watch on instant view...

A Tale of Two Sisters, ** (2003)

This was a convoluted and tiresome horror film that seemed to slowly just sink and cave in on itself as it dragged on and on into oblivion. It was uninspired and boring with a lot of needlessly dense plot twists that made the entire experience downright grueling and agonizing to sit through. Even after reading the Wikipedia synopsis twice, I’m left scratching my head, trying to understand why this movie tried so hard to obviously make itself as confusing as possible. I’m all for a good head trip, but in order for those to be effective, they have to have a focal point that is easy to understand in order to uncover and resolve everything else nonsensical around it. This film can’t even figure out if it’s trying to be a horror movie, a ghost story, or a psychological thriller. Even though I think that Asian filmmakers are downright masters at birthing suspense and tension in their psychological horror movies, this one must have been the runt that got dropped on its head. One star for the Silent Hill-style sound design and another for the cute “evil” stepmother (Yeom Jeong-ah).

The Man from Nowhere. **** (2010)

This is probably the first Korean movie that I’ve ever seen that doesn’t have a completely depressing and nihilistic ending, so by default, it’s a stand out. It’s also the first Korean film that I’ve watched recently that feels almost exactly like a typical American action movie, without any dreary, morally ambiguous characters and a batch of clear cut villains that all get punished accordingly. Even though it is obvious that they were shooting to make a film that would appeal to general Western (read: AMERICAN) audiences, it still has enough of that gritty Korean negativity to remind me us all that we are not waiting for Bruce Willis or Sly Stallone to come and save the day.  Story and acting-wise, there is nothing really impressive about the movie: a “mysterious” stranger tries to rescue a neighbor’s 8 year old daughter from an evil gang of drug dealers. Zzzzzzzzz. On the other hand, action-wise, this movie is stellar, with tons of amazingly well choreographed fight sequences throughout the film. However, the main attraction is a single knife fight near the end of the movie that is so amazing, it gets all 4 stars.  It is the stuff of legends; a graceful yet brutal showdown between two killing machines that will easily stand the test of time as one of the greatest fight sequences ever filmed.   

film digestion - man vs nature edition

Everyone knows that I'm a really into nature movies, whether it's natural disasters, creature features, or survivalist-type malarchy, so my two selections today fall right into the latter categories perfectly: arm cutting 101 in 127 HOURS and an "extended" swim in the ocean with THE REEF.

127 HOURS, *** 1/2 (2010) 
Right off the bat, anyone who wants to watch this movie needs to know that 95% of it is just James Franco talking to himself...and a giant rock. Surprisingly, he holds his own pretty well with his mineral-based boulder counterpart. I can't possibly "spoil" this for anyone as Aron Ralston's real life story of survival is (at this point) universally known, so I don't feel guilty telling anyone that the part where he breaks his own arm then cuts it off with a cheap pocket knife is technically impressive and the highlight of the movie. A few other choice moments, particularly the sequence where his thirst drives him into fantasizing about drinking water and his out-of-body "journey" back in time to his car are incredibly effective in portraying the kind of utter desperation necessary to make his performance completely believable. The attention to detail in recreating the real life events according to Aron Ralston himself is also highly commendable and worth noting, especially the fact that it was filmed literally at the exact same spot where he lost his arm in real life. Unfortunately, Danny Boyle's decision to include a hokey post-rock music soundtrack, combined with his inability to stay away from cliched sentimentality and a bloated and insipid inspirational ending  (imagine a U2 music video or a car commercial or a car commercial with U2 music) tacked on at the very end keep this movie from being truly great. He is obviously on his way to be the next post-JURASSIC PARK Steven Spielberg and we all know that one of those is already too much. 

THE REEF, **** 1/2 (2010)  
This is unquestionably the greatest shark movie since JAWS. If you find yourself to be a connoisseur of the Carcharodan carcharias (meaning that you already know what I just wrote and didn't need to google it), you needed to watch this movie yesterday. Unlike the rather unsatisfying and drab OPEN WATER, which had a similar premise, this movie actually delivers the kind of scares that even the most hardened thriller buffs might find too nerve-racking. Taking advantage of natural underwater lighting, THE REEF does an incredible job of turning the cold blue vastness of the ocean into a horrifying aquatic underworld for 4 very unlucky people who find themselves stranded in the middle of the Coral Sea in Northern Australia after their yacht capsizes.  I'm still stunned a few days after I saw it because I can not wrap my head around how some of the film's most extraordinary shots were even filmed. I can safely say that if you're even remotely afraid of what might lie beneath the surface of the ocean, this movie will make you catatonic. It is the stuff of nightmares. 

film digestion - exorcism edition

Recently, I've realized that i've watched 3 movies directly about exorcism, so I'm going to get all Linda Blair up in here and spin some heads. First we got THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE, which was  *cough cough * "based on a true story" (BARELY based actually), then the German film REQUIEM which was actually the basis for the first film, although this one is almost directly related to the true story.  Lastly, I'll throw in THE LAST EXORCISM (*cymbal crash*). 



THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE, ** 1/2 (2005)
Based on the story of a young German girl with epilepsy who allegedly became possessed by a demon in the mid 70s, this film ultimately has nothing more than the thinnest of corroborations between those actual events and a whole lot more with every other typical supernatural horror movie that involves crucifixes and a bunch of screaming. There are a few decent things about the movie, such as plentiful intelligent dialogue that actually does a decent job at bringing up valid religious and social issues that directly effect the way we view science, religion, and mental illness, as well as very solid acting from Tom Wilkinson and plenty of great courtroom melodrama ('Objection! He is...' etc.).  However, that's more or less it. The rest of this film suffers heavily from an extended running time (there is NO reason why it needed to be 2 hours long) and an endlessly dreary and predictable cycle of standard horror movie motifs that are recycled ad nauseam.  My biggest complaint is about actress Jennifer Carpenter (Emily Rose, who else?), who spends the entire movie basically screaming at the camera and contorting her face into absolutely ridiculous facial poses that are so distracting that I literally laughed out loud during one of the movie's most "intense" moments because her face looked like a deflating blowup doll (I was waiting to hear the air hiss out of her mouth). The rest of the movie spends way too much time on a boring LAW AND ORDER-type subplot about an up and coming lawyer trying to make partner at a law firm and even more time on a ton of ridiculously intrusive CGI demon faces that are peppered throughout the rest of the film for no real purpose other than to scare anyone who hasn't already seen the exact same thing in countless other supernatural horror movies. 

REQUIEM, *** 1/2 (2006) 
This German film is the very realistic and low key interpretation of the same story that THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE was (very) loosely based upon. However, forget the court room drama, devious lawyers, CGI ridiculousness, obnoxious facial contortions, and the 2 hour running time. Instead, what we are left with is an almost direct and as factually accurate as possible depiction of the real life story of Anneliese Michel, a young German woman whose religious background, medical history, and untimely death were the basis for both films. Whereas the Emily Rose movie forces the viewer at gunpoint to basically acknowledge the presence of evil demons, REQUIEM opts for a much more sedate and meaningful look at what may or may not be a case of extreme mental illness. Unlike its more opulent and inflated counterpart, this movie offers a very quiet, realistic, and at times boring look at the life of a 21 year German pedagogy student (played by an incredible Sandra Huller) whose life unravels as she begins to experience symptoms that could be interpreted as either extreme psychosis or demonic possession. Be warned: there are no fancy special effects or typical horror hysterics, just a powerful and depressing look at human nature and all of its spiritual and mental frailties.

THE LAST EXORCISM, **** 1/2 (2010)
I can not say enough nice things about what a breath of fresh air this movie ended  up being when compared to the endless stream of utter shit that has been pumped out into the horror movie genre in the past few years. This film has been quite controversial, not only because of its completely awesome (and banned) movie poster, but also because of its ending, which I will refrain from discussing for fear of spoiling it. Lead actor Patrick Fabian is absolutely wonderful as an incredibly charismatic charlatan who basically makes a living by taking advantage of extremely devout and religious Bible Belt churchgoers and performing exorcisms on those who claim to be 'possessed.' Since he obviously has some moral scruples about his line of work, he allows a documentary team to follow him on his last "exorcism," during which he slowly debunks and reveals the tricks of his trade. All I can say is that what starts off as a mockumentary about fake exorcisms ends in a place where very few recent horror movies have managed to traverse: a long lost land where horror movies are actually scary. It also manages to intelligently address several topics (including mental illness, religious hypocrisy, social isolation, and spirituality) effortlessly without ever being obvious or preachy. Overall, this movie is a love letter to the great 70s horror classics, topped off with an extra side of mid 80s Satanic panic atmosphere. Extra accolades for Ashley Bell and her awesome nightgown / Doc Martens fashion combo.  

film digestion - tv edition, louisiana special

Me and Cara love to watch tv shows on Netflix and we've quickly found that out of all the endless possibilities that we could choose from, our perennial favorites are always things that are either totally genuine.. or just genuinely bad. Incidentally, there are two TV shows that happen to fall into each category and they have two things in common: both involve alligators and both are set in Louisiana. One is SWAMP PEOPLE, while the other is BILLY THE EXTERMINATOR.  Ye don't need one dem fancy school degrees to know wich one go where.... 

SWAMP PEOPLE, ***** (2010)
All I needed to know about this series was that it's about men in small boats who use fishing hooks and hunting rifles to catch alligators in a huge swamp. The second after I read that description, I was done sold, let me tell ya. Even though it took a bit to get over the initial spectacle of the whole thing (Bruce), we quickly found that the show took a genuine and incredibly honest look at Cajun culture in a way that was never exploitative nor was it ever completely ridiculous...maybe just a little bit ridiculous (i.e. Willy catching snakes with socks on his arms). Its strongest aspect stems solely from the incredibly charismatic nature of all the people that are portrayed throughout the entire show. Instead of the hags from bullshit like "Real Housewives of [insert location]," SWAMP PEOPLE keeps it real and just follows around a bunch of normal, everyday folk who just happen to make a living by hunting gators. Whether it's Troy's nearly incomprehensible Cajun French accent, Junior's shrewd, humorously humorless personality, Mike Kleibert's incredible ingenuity and "swamp know-how" or Trapper Joe and Tommy's hilarious fights, not a single person portrayed ever hams it up for the camera the way other consistently less interesting reality show people (* cough cough * Billy the Exterminator cough *) are wont to do.  SWAMP PEOPLE is a seriously good show that doesn't have to rely on  cheap and ridiculous people doing stupid things; it's a show that relies on real life people doing real life things, like "chootin' gators." 

BILLY THE EXTERMINATOR, * (2009)
This show is absolute garbage. The fact that it has been on air for almost 3 years and that it is on its 4th season is downright deplorable, not to mention completely dangerous considering the utter stupidity and clumsiness of its showrunner and his inept dumbass brother Ricky. Honestly, I'm genuinely surprised that the two of them haven't somehow gotten killed by something yet. I'm not imaging them going out like champs either, getting torn in half by a gator or getting bit by a rattlesnake, but by something like a loose ladder step, a faulty shingle, or a pile of raccoon shit that one of them will inevitably slip on while climbing a 40 foot tree in cowboy boots. According to the wikipedia article, Billy is "an expert in the field of pest control."  BULLSHIT. There was one episode when he caught a huge 4 foot long cottonmouth and put the damn thing in a fucking paper-thin see-through plastic sack. There was another episode when he was literally stuck in the bottom of a drained pool and he couldn't get out because his boots and leather chaps didn't give him enough traction to CLIMB BACK OUT. What else is there to hate? How about the obviously staged phone call interludes inside Billy's truck ("What's that, Mom? Don't send Ricky in there because he is allergic to wasps? Got it!"), his completely impractical pseudo-black metal wardrobe choices (studded bracelets, spiked collars, bullet belts, SPURS?),  and his uncanny skills at consistently losing his own freshly caught snakes in almost every episode. The only interesting thing that could ever come out of this series would be a documentary about how this total clown managed to hustle an entire TV network into giving him a show in the first place. 

film digestion - korean edition, vol. 2

Here is my next batch of Korean film reviews, this time I'm taking on THE CHASER by Na Hong-jin and MOTHER by Bong Joon-ho. I saw both of these movies through online streaming via Netflix, which has an amazing assortment of modern Korean films currently available, so I will try to get through as many of those as possible in the coming months. 



MOTHER, *** 1/2 (2009)
A distraught mother, upon finding that her mentally retarded son has been accused of murder, goes all out and attempts to uncover the facts behind the accusations. While the premise of this film seems to initially promise a lot more than what it eventually delivers, it is a solid effort that really shines mostly due to the amazing acting of Kim Hye-ja, who plays the titular character. Her range is truly magnificent, running the gamut as she expresses genuine sadness, comedic relief, and relentless conviction with an ease of effort that seems inexplicable.  Sadly, this is also where the movie falters, as it never really seems to make up its mind about what kind of film it is actually trying to be in the long run.  Initially, the film is almost a comedy as you learn of the strange relationship between the mother and the son (as well as his no-good but street smart "best friend"). In the middle, it becomes a fairly standard mystery movie, while the ending turns into a drama with tragic consequences. Even though it is uneven, there is a graceful beauty to the entire film's rather low-key presentation, not to mention a strange bittersweet optimism that ultimately tries to prevail over the rest of the film's utterly depressing subject matter. 

THE CHASER, ***** (2008)
In its own rights, this film is amazing, but as a debut movie, it is simply staggering. Considering the bevy of commercial filmmakers around the globe who have been in the game for years and still  have yet to create something that is as powerful and dynamic, this movie has now become my personal litmus test for debunking any up and coming "hype-proof" film debuts. The set up is something like a classic 70s thriller: an ex-cop turned pimp (Kim Yoon-seok) begins to notice that his girls are coming up missing and he begins his own investigation to uncover the truth.   He is oddly compelling as a total asshole with almost no redeeming qualities who inadvertently becomes the only person that seems to actually understand what is going on while everyone else around him is too busy being caught up in petty media scandals, red tape and bumbling police bureaucracy. While the film attempts to resolve itself within the first half hour, we quickly realize that the means required to justify the ends are anything but easily obtained and the movie steadily falls into a nightmarish Kafkaesque scenario that becomes increasingly frantic and horrific as it races towards its harrowing conclusion. 

film digestion - movies with cara, vol. 1

Me and my girlfriend Cara watch plenty of movies together, pretty much anything is up for grab except for things with extreme violence (IRREVERSIBLE) or torture (HOSTEL), but our favorite types of movies to watch are usually really awful horror movie from the 80s or recently made-for-dvd teen movies like MEAN GIRLS 2. Sometimes Cara also convinces me to watch older 'normal' movies that I missed the first time around, which is really great because Cara has a wonderfully open range of opinions that help to counter my admittedly jaded and extremely cynical views. Oddly enough, RED RIDING HOOD is somewhere in between a really awful 80s horror movie and a very wimpy made-for-tv teen movie, so it's kind of the perfect movie for us to watch. TROY, on the other hand, is a perfect example of a "normal movie" that I would have usually never bothered seeing otherwise. 



RED RIDING HOOD, * 1/2 (2011)
There is nothing to add to this movie that you can't already clearly see in its trailer. This potboiler basically telegraphs itself an hour and a half in advance once you hit the play button, so you're actually much better off watching the trailer and just coming up with your own storyline in your head instead.  Trust me, those results will ALWAYS be more interesting and fulfilling than this pampered and pathetic attempt at a horror/fantasy film. Since Catherine Hardwicke's last movie was TWILIGHT, which brutally emasculated any notion of legitimacy in vampires, it should come as no surprise that RED RIDING HOOD does exactly the same thing to werewolves. Leave it her to take a story that would otherwise normally involve primal lust, painful physical transformation, uncontrollable rage, animals ripped to shreds, etc. and turn it all into a boring, tepid after school special for ABC Family TV. There isn't even any cleavage! Honestly though, the only genuinely horrifying thing about this entire movie is the fact that Gary Oldman is in it. Half star for Amanda Seyfried because she looks good in red.

TROY, *** 1/2  (2004)  
Even with its apparent historical inaccuracies and inconsistencies, TROY is a perfect example of how one can go about making a 3 hour long epic film that is not only enjoyable to sit through, but ultimately rewarding as a film.  Asides from the rich cast, staggering production values, amazing costumes, and truly grandiose battle sequences, at its heart, TROY is a film that proudly encompasses all the elements of a standard "blockbuster" without ever trying to pretend that it is anything other than a summer popcorn movie. Brad Pitt's sweaty and perfectly toned ass and Eric Bana's rugged mullet definitely keep things spicy for the ladies, while an endless bevy of gorgeous women (Diane Kruger, Saffron Burrows, and Rose Byrne just to name a few) is more than sufficient eye candy for everyone else. Perhaps the most impressive aspect of the film is the incredibly tight pacing, which is somehow magically maintained almost effortlessly from beginning to end, which is no small feat considering the film's monolithic running time.  While TROY definitely doesn't break any new ground in the acting department, nor does it shy away from many standard and predictable action movie clichés, neither does it ever fail to simply (and consistently) captivate the viewer into blissful submission. 

film digestion - mediocre modern sci-fi deja vu

Recently I was incredibly bored and I felt like watching some mindless sci-fi action movies. I didn't have to look very hard to find the movies SKYLINE and BATLLE: LOS ANGELES, but I DID have to try very hard to remind myself constantly that I was actually watching 2 different movies that were so similar in their concepts and execution that they both appeared to have been made by the exact same group of people at the exact same time.  Interestingly enough, upon further inspection I quickly found out that it ACTUALLY WAS the same exact group of people working on both films at the same time! Normally in such situations, you'd think that a single movie would have sufficed, but in the case of these two digital dumps, even one was already too much. 


SKYLINE,   * (2010)
All you need to know about this movie right off the bat is that it was made by the same group of people responsible for ALIENS VS PREDATOR: REQUIEM, which is arguably one of the very worst sci-fi / action movies ever made and that is not up for discussion, it is simply fact.  Since "the Brothers Strause"  (as they like to stylize themselves in their own film credits) obviously believe themselves to be true auteurs of sci-fi (and since they are both rich AND privately own their very own CGI production company [Hydraulx]), it goes without saying that THAT is the only reason why this movie exists. To discuss the film's acting and writing would actually be a grave disservice to the film's special effects, since it is glaringly obvious (and factually true, look it up) that the whooping $10 ~ $20 million allocated for the film's budget went into its post production / CGI  while only $500,000 went into LITERALLY everything else. If you want a detailed synopsis of the film's story, all you need to know is that a bunch of attractive people get drunk inside a fancy high rise condo while an alien force destroys LA. That's literally about 95% of the entire movie. The other 5% is just additional special effects.  


BATTLE: LOS ANGELES, * 1/2  (2011)
This movie is essentially the same exact thing as SKYLINE, but with a military spin, a higher budget and a single A-list actor (Aaron "Butt-chin" Eckhart). The additional half star is present because I'm a total sucker for well done disaster / monster 'found footage' type cinematography and the film has a good 2 or 3 minutes of that spliced in between an endless barrage of cookie cutter military jargon, shamelessly predictable plotting and an obnoxiously jingoistic sentiment that becomes downright intrusive by the final moments (I'm sure there were army recruiters present at the premiere, handing out pamphlets). The film completely lacks the puerile integrity, sense of humor, and star power that made INDEPENDENCE DAY so successful, which is highly embarrassing since it essentially tries to emulate it by foolishly attempting to create a movie with a 'realistic' approach to the exact same ludicrous and over the top scenario. No matter how many flag-waving and self-sacrificing soldiers are blown to bits throughout the movie, each complete with his own "tell my wife I love her, sarge" type speech, at the end of the day, this movie is still just about giant CGI aliens blowing shit up. 

film digestion - korean edition, vol. 1

Instead of writing long-winded and meticulously researched opinion pieces about certain movies, I'm going to try and write some quick and "to the point" type reviews with a 5 star scale that can be gulped down in a single bite ...hence 'film digestion.' The inaugural post will involve some recent korean movies that I just watched recently.. 


 I SAW THE DEVIL,   ** 1/2  (2010)
Overall, a very brutal and exceptionally long-winded thriller about a secret agent who seeks revenge on the serial killer responsible for killing his wife. While the violence is horrific and the action sequences exceptionally well choreographed, it falls apart into severe implausibility as the film drags on and on into an endlessly repetitive and hopeless cycle of violence and degradation. Although Choi Min-sik is completely amazing as a cunning and heartless killer, his performance isn't enough to save the film from its lumbering length, utterly inept writing, and pretentiously nihilistic dialogue. 



THIRST,  ****  1/2 (2009)
Park Chan-wook's film about a priest who turns into a vampire after a failed medical experiment is the kind of movie that Twilight fans need to see instead of the watered down pap that does nothing but convince millions of impressionable minds that "vampire movies" are apparently PG-13 rated cosmetic commercials for glittering goth kids who like to play baseball in the rain. THIRST properly examines the blissfully sexual and occasionally bloody escapades that can occur if you find yourself transformed into a creature of the night, complete with amazing cinematography, smart writing, and a sexy performance from Kim Ok-bin as the object of the priest's newly found affections. Instead of relying on age old tropes to convey the complex moral, religious, and sexual issues that can compound the mind of any newly formed vampire, the film brilliantly avoids any such predictable shortcomings by simultaneously being a romantic comedy, a horror movie,  and an art house flick without any of the normal pitfalls of each respective genre.